The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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