whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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