I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
