Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
