I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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