Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
