so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
