She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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