when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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