If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
