well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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