I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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