you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
