you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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