My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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