maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
