Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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