My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
