when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
