Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
