guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
