omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
