and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
