Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
