So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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