He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
