I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
