Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
