I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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