Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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