you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
where are you?
Hypothermia
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Randomize
