ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
