the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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