i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
