Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
