And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
