She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
