Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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