Having a random hookup so left but love u
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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