does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There are leaves in my underwear?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
