I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
