R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
