Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
