are you still at the devil's house?
4 words: hood of his car
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
