Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
