She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
