Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
