On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
nutella sex= disaster
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
