I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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