Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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