i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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