heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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