Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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