The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
